From the Beginning to the…
Why am I sitting here writing an article for a magazine? To answer that, I have to go back to the very beginning, to the moment techno started to wrap me around its finger.
- Buy a car.
- Whenever you drive home with your significant other, have a dark techno mixtape playing at full blast.
- Deny owning any other music.
- No breaks; if your passenger turns it down, subtly turn it back up with a phrase like: "Hey, listen to that sound, it sounds like you're in a submarine and someone's banging on the pipes!" and ignore their desperate expression.
- Now, take it a step further. Take your significant other to the right clubs. Don't start hardcore right away. First, a club that leans towards bastard pop. You should both drink enough to make it bearable. You have to persevere and keep encouraging them to stay. Pull an all-nighter, more or less, for a weekend.
- In between, always sprinkle in some positive experiences, like breakfast, sex, fruit, or something.
- But: don't give fluffy, light pop-electro too much power.
- Now it's time for techno. Another weekend, this time at least 40 hours of nonstop action.
- Now you give your significant other the car mixtape.
- Well done.
Text Pumpa Petz